Tuesday, 25 March 2008

Wednesday, 19 March 2008


Assalamualikum wr wb

Please note that the sunday circle WILL be on as usual, 6.45pm, Hamden Youth Club ths sunday 23rd March 2008.


The central MOD team

"You are fine the way you are!" - Have you been hearing shaitans voicemail?

Tuesday, 11 March 2008

"Love, Sex.. & Marriage?!" Event - Interviews

Interviews with the Audience after the event!

Please leave us feedback/comments on what you thought of this video! Jzkallah!

"Love, Sex.. & Marriage?!" Event - Q&A

Questions & Answers

Please leave us feedback/comments on what you thought of this video! Jzkallah!

"Love, Sex.. & Marriage?!" Event - Talk 2

Talk 2 - From Haram to Halal - Br.Jamal

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"Love, Sex.. & Marriage?!" Event - Talk 1

Talk 1 - "Love, Sex.. & Marriage?!" - Br. Ayaz

Please leave feedback and comments on what you thought of this talk! jzkallah!

Monday, 10 March 2008

WHOSE YOUR BOY?? (or girl!)

Da bre whose got your back when ders beef? Da boy whose der wid u lendin cash on eid day? Da bre u grew up wid? Da bre u go skul wid? Da bre u shot wid? Or da bre u take drugs wid? Funny how dis same boy goes missin wen ur standin up in court wen it was his beef? Funny how dis same boy starts back stabbin u or cums round lyk a bailiff wen u cant pay him back, Funny how dis same boy dnt no u once u've grown up coz his 2 busy wid his chick, Its even funnier when he 's runnin away wid ur chick cuz! Funny how ur drug profit gets split 70/30 and u dnt even no. Dis is ur boy??

Wat does Islam say about friendship? Is havin a friend halal shudnt u jus be readin quran in ur spare time? Wat if ur mum dnt lyk dem? What do u luk 4 in a friend? Do u stay friends coz it benefits u and not wen it brings harm 2 u?

Whu is a tru friend?

Brothers and Sisters most welcome!
@6.45pm Sunday 16th March 2008
Hamden Youth Club, Ossulston st, Kings Cross.

For more info email thesundaycircle@yahoo.com or call 07903661996.

Click on flyer picture for more info.

Questions & Answers from "Mother's Day Madness - Why should we obey our Parents?"

Q & A

Q. If you have a father that drinks, commits adultery and takes drugs, do you still pay him respect although he doesn’t live with you and you only see him a few times a month?


Respecting parents is a separate duty from perhaps trying to urge them to stop their sinful ways. The personality of the father may be disengaged from the acts of the father. It is still possible to love the father but feel pain and hurt for the actions he’s doing. The specifics of the question are absent and hence no detailed answer is possible.

No doubt, whether parents are sinful, non-Muslim, difficult, unreasonable or just plain stubborn, a child must always exhibit the best behaviour towards parent(s). He/she must still show devotion, respect and serve them faithfully even though their outward behaviour may disappoint, cause outrage, invoke extreme anger or even fail to inspire any respect whatsoever. Allah (SWT) says in the Qur’an:

(Your Lord has decreed, that you worship none but Him and [that you show] kindness to parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age with you, do not say [so much as] ‘Fie’ to them nor repulse them, but speak to them a gracious word. And lower to them the wing of submission through mercy and say: My Lord! Have mercy on them both as they did care for me when I was little).[1]

Imam al-Mawardi in his commentary entitled al-Nukat wa ’l-`Uyun on verse 24 above writes:

(فلا تقل لهما أف) يعني حين ترى منهما الأذى و تميط عنهما الخلا، وتزيل عنهما القذى فلا تضجر، كما كانا يميطانه عنك وأنت صغير من غير ضجر. و في تأويل (أف) ثلاثة أوجه: أحدها: أنه كل ما غلظ من الكلام وقبح، قاله مقاتل. الثاني: أنه استقذار الشيء وتغير الرائحة، قاله الكلبي. الثالث: أنها كلمة تدل على التبرم والضجر، خرجت مخرج الأصوات المحكية. والعرب تقول أف و تف، فالأف وسخ الأظفار، والتُّف ما رفعته من الأرض بيدك من شيء حقير. (و قل لهما قولا كريما) فيه وجهان: أحدهما: ليناً. والآخر: حسناً.


“(And do not say ‘fie’ to them) means when you see some offence [or insult] on their part and hold back from both bearing it all the way without showing signs of annoyance [and irritation] just how they both held back from doing that while you were a child without showing signs of annoyance [and irritation to you]. There are three interpretations of [the word] ‘fie’. The first is any incorrect or abominable word. This was the opinion of Muqatil. The second is a filthy thing that changes the smell [or odour of something]. This was the opinion of al-Kalbi. And the third [interpretation] is that which indicates spoken [or uttered] sounds of annoyance and exasperation. And the Arabs say ‘uff’ and ‘tuff’. The [word] ‘al-uff’ means the dirt in fingernails and [the word] ‘al-tuff’ means picking up a filthy object with your hand from the ground.
And (speak to them a gracious word) has two meanings. The first is a gentle [word] and the second is a gracious [word].”[2]

Indeed, the actions mentioned in the question are utterly unlawful (haram) and a child must attempt to persuade – with the utmost gentleness, care and manner – his/her father to stop and perhaps seek professional help for the process of rehabilitation. Again, it maybe that regular contact with your father or seeking to make him a part of your life again is the revitalising force that puts him on the road to realising that he has more important things in life than these addictions you’ve mentioned, namely his child or children.

And Allah alone knows best.

The MoD team.

[1] See surat al-Isra’:23-24.
[2] See al-Mawardi, al-Nukat wa ’l-`Uyun, vol.2, p.430.
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Q & A

Q. Some bengali people kiss their thumbs and wipe their eyes. Is this allowed from Islam?


Imam al-‘Allamah Nur al-Din ‘Ali b. Muhammd b. Sultan known famously as Mulla ‘Ali al-Qari (d.) wrote in Asrar al-Marfu‘ah fi Akhbar al-Mawdu‘ah:[1]

“Wiping the eyes with the inner part of the index fingers after kissing them upon hearing the saying of the caller to prayer: I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. Adding to his saying: I bear witness that Muhammad is His servant and Messenger. I am pleased with Allah as my Lord and [pleased] with Islam as my religion and [pleased] with Muhammad – upon him be blessings and peace – as [my] Prophet.

al-Daylami mentioned it in his [Musnad] al-Firdaws from the narration of Abu Bakr al-Siddiq that the Prophet (SAW) said: Whoever does that, my intercession will definitly take place for him.[2]

al-Sakhawi said: inauthentic (la yasihhu). Shaykh Ahmad al-Raddad cited it in his book Mujibat al-Rahmah with a chain that has unknown narrators (majahil) with a severed chain (ma‘a inqita‘ihi) from al-Khadr upon him be peace. And everything narrated regarding this is definitely not authentic in its attribution [to the Prophet].[3]

I say: If it is proven (idha thabata) to be attributed to al-Siddiq, then it is sufficient to act upon it (fa-yakfi ’l-‘amal bihi)[4] because of his saying (SAW): ‘You are required to follow my path (bi-sunnati) and the path of the rightly guided caliphs (sunnah al-khulafa’ al-rashidin).’[5]

And it is said: It is neither done nor prohibited and its strangeness is not a secret for those possessed with intelligence (dhu ’l-nuha).”[6]

And Allah knows best.

The MoD team.

[1] See `Ali al-Qari, Asrar al-Marfu‘ah fi Akhbar al-Mawdu‘ah, hadith no:435, p.306.
[2] The quote is not quite the same as Daylami’s narration which reads: man fa‘ala fi‘la khalili fa-qad hallat lahu shafa‘ati – “whoever does the action of my beloved friend, my intercession will definitly take place for him”; see al-Daylami, Musnad al-Firdaws as quoted by al-‘Ajluni in his Kashf al-Khafa’, 2/269-271 (#2296).
[3] See Maqasid al-Hasanah of al-Sakhawi, p.390 (#1021) and al-Dayba‘, Tamyiz al-Tayyib, p.150.
[4] This is peculiar reasoning on Imam al-Qari’s part because if the narration is deemed inauthentic, then it would seem rather difficult to establish it such that one could then use it as legitimate grounds for an action. Of course, if the comment was intended to highlight a hypothetical point, then it must indeed be true: if a contiguous chain of narrators can be found leading to Abu Bakr, then one may be permitted to establish action upon it.
[5] For this narration, see Imam Ahmad b. Hanbal, Musnad, p.1216 (#17274-17276) where hadith:17275 is graded sahih by: Ibn Hibban, (#5) in his Sahih, al-Hakim in his Mustadrak `ala Sahihayn, vol.1, p.97 and (#17276) also graded as sahih, 1/96 by Shaykh Shu‘ayb al-Arna‘ut. See also Abu Dawud (#4607), p.691 & ibn Majah (#43), p.21.
[6] One may also see Imam Ahmad Reza Khan’s book Munir al-`Ayn fi Taqbil Ibhamayn of which a few pages are attached for a detailed survey of the Hanafi opinions and statements.
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Q & A

Q. They say we should always listen to our parent and obey them. What if we have fallen in love with someone we know they [are] not going to approve of? Then what?


Islam has ordered children to be dutiful and obedient to their parents, never to disappoint them, never to hurt them nor cause them to grieve. In fact, obedience to them extends to those areas which are even personal to an individual, e.g. their dress sense, whom they should marry, etc. In these matters, it is not obligatory (fard) to obey parents but highly recommended (sunnah/mustahabb) hence deserving of reward.

The initial fear or extreme dread of rejection is an assumption made by the child and fails to retain an optimistic opinion of the parent(s). This assumption is not strictly warranted as the outcome cannot be decided before the means have been exhausted. Before mentioning a general advice, one may not do the following:

1. Marry in secret out of fear of a possible rejection. It is unlawful, according to the Madhhab of Imam Abu Hanifah (RA) to marry with Allah (SWT) or indeed His Prophet (SAW) as witnesses.

a. In the Fatawa al-Hindiyyah quoting the Hanafi Jurist Shaykh al-Islam al-Marghinani it states:

و من تزوج امرأَة بِشهادة الله و رسوله لا يجوز النكاح ، كذا في التجنيسِ و المزِيد .

“Whoever marries a woman with Allah and His Messenger as witnesses, it will not be valid as is found in [the work] al-Tajnis wa ’l-Mazid…”[1]

b. The great Hanafi commentator Shaykh Zadah wrote:

(و) شرط أيضا (حضور) شاهدين فلو تزوج امرأةً بِشهادة الله تعالى و رسوله لا يجوز النكاح.

“(And) another condition (is the presence) of two witnesses. If a person marries a woman with Allah and His Messenger as witnesses then it will not be valid…”[2]

c. In Abu Bakr b. `Ali al-Zabidi’s commentary of the Mukhtasar al-Quduri, it states:

قوله (ولا ينعقد نكاح المسلمين إلا بِحضور شاهدينِ حرينِ مسلمينِ بالغينِ عاقلينِ) و يشترطُ حضورهما عند العقد لا عند الإجازة...

“And his saying (and the marriage of Muslims is not contracted without the presence of two free, adult male, sane and Muslim witnesses) is that the condition is both [witnesses] have to be present at the point of the contract not at the point of [mere granting of] permission…”[3]

2. Elope and run away. This would be falling into disobeying one’s parents and hurting them which is a serious sin. Obtaining the consent and blessings of the parents is advised as Allah’s pleasure and displeasure lies in the pleasure and displeasure of the parents.

3. Insist on marrying without the legal guardian (wali). Indeed, the Madhahb of Imam Abu Hanfiah (RA) does not posit a legal guardian (wali) as a pillar or integral (rukn) for the marriage but does deems it a condition (shart). So, if a woman marries without the consent and presence of her legal guardian, then it will be (strictly and legally) valid but she will be sinful in that she has intentionally neglected a condition. And being sinful is not a spiritually healthy position to be in.

The general advice would be is to talk to parents. Persist in making them understand in the most polite, gentle and caring way. It may be that time is needed for there to be change. It may also help to use confidential and individual members of the family – especially elders – as mediators.

The specific situation in point requires more elaboration and in the absence of particulars, any detailed answer is entirely inappropriate. As a last resort (after all else has failed), it ought to be referred to knowledgeable individuals or indeed the Imam (or a confidential committee) of the local Mosque.

And only Allah can grant success.

The MoD team.

[1] See Fatawa al-Hindiyyah, vol.1, p.268. Cf. also al-Kasani, al-Bada’i` al-Sana’i`, vol.5, p.120.
[2] What is in the brackets is the text of Ibrahim al-Halabi’s legal primer Multaqa al-Abhur and its commentary by Shaykh Zadah is entitled Majma` al-Anhur Sharh Multaqa al-Abhur, vol.1, pp.320-321. See also Ibn `Abidin’s remarks in Radd al-Muhtar, vol.3, p.27.
[3] See al-Zabidi, Jawharat al-Nayrah Sharh Mukhtasar al-Quduri, vol.4, pp.479-480. What is in the bracket is the text of Imam al-Quduri.
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Q & A

Q. Is celebrating the Prophet’s birthday allowed in Islam?


Some points to remember with respect to this particular matter.

1. The month of Rabi` al-Awwal has been made one of the most blessed months by the birth of the Prophet (SAW).[1]

2. There is general consensus and agreement that the birth date of the Prophet (SAW) was Monday 12th Rabi` al-Awwal.[2]

3. The Prophet not doing an action does not necessarily make it unlawful (tark al-`amal la tufidu al-tahrim).[3]

Imam Ibn Taymiyyah remarked the following about the Mawlid of the Blessed Prophet (SAW):


"و كذلك ما يحدثه بعض الناس إما مضاهاة للنصارى في ميلاد عيسى (عليه السلام) وإما محبة للنبي (صلى الله عليه و سلم) وتعظيما له والله قد يثيبهم على هذه المحبة والاجتهاد لا على البدع من اتخاذ مولد النبي (صلى الله عليه و سلم) عيدا... فتعظيم المولد واتخاذه موسما قد يفعله بعض الناس ويكون له فيه أجر عظيم لحسن قصده وتعيظمه لرسول الله (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)..."


“Similarly is what some people newly enact by analogy with the Christians who celebrate the birth of `Isa (AS) and out of love for the Prophet (SAW) as well as in honour of him. And Allah may reward them for this love and effort, not out the fact that it is a newly enacted action... to honor the Mawlid and to take it as a season, as some of the people are doing has a great reward in it because of their good intentions in honoring the Prophet…”[4]

A segment of the fatwa of Imam Jalal al-Din al-Suyuti is given here in translation taken from his al-Hawi li ’l-Fatawi:


الحمد لله و سلام على عباده الذين اصطفى. و بعد: ققد وقع السؤال عن عمل المولد النبوي في شهر ربيع الأول ما حكمه من حيث الشرع و هل هو محمود أو مذموم وهل يثاب فاعله أو لا؟

الجواب – عندي - أن أصل عمل المولد الذي هو اجتماع الناس و قراءة ما تيسر من القرآن ورواية الأخبار الواردة في مبدأ أمر النبي (صلى الله عليه و سلم) و ما وقع في مولده من الآيات ثم يمد لهم سماط يأكلونه وينصرفون من غير زيادة على ذلك هو من البدع الحسنة التي يثاب عليها صاحبها لما فيه من تعظيم قدر النبي (صلى الله عليه و سلم) وإظهار الفرح والاستبشار بمولده الشريف...


“Praise belongs to Allah and blessings upon those of His servants He has [especially] chosen. I proceed: The question has been asked about the celebration of Mawlid of the Prophet in the month of Rabi` al-Awwal. What is the ruling concerning it according to the Shari `ah and is it something praiseworthy or blameworthy and does the one who celebrate it obtain reward for it or not?

I answer that the essence of the celebration of the Mawlid, which consists in people gathering together, recitation of that which is easy of the Qur’an, narrating accounts related to the beginnings of the Prophet (SAW) and the miraculous signs that have been told as taking place upon his birth as well as giving food to the people who eat and leave without adding anything extra to this, then this is one of the praiseworthy innovations and the one who does it obtains reward because of the respect shown to the greatness of the Prophet (SAW) and the open proclamation of joy and happiness at the news of his noble birth...”[5]

Imam al-Suyuti then reports the position of his teacher the supreme master of hadith in his time, al-Hafiz Ibn Hajar al-`Asqalani (RA):


و قد سئل شيخ الإسلام حافظ العصر أبو الفضل بن حجر [العسقلاني] عن عمل المولد فأجاب بما نصه: أصل عمل المولد بدعة لم تنقل عن أحد من السلف الصالح من القرون الثلاثة ولكنها مع ذلك قد اشتملت على محاسن وضدها. فمن تحرى في عملها المحاسن وتجنب ضدها كان بدعة حسنة و إلا فلا.

قال: و قد ظهر لي تخريجها على أصل ثابت وهو ما ثبت في الصحيحين من أن النبي (صلى الله عليه و سلم) قدم المدينة فوجد اليهود يصومون يوم عاشوراء فسألهم فقالوا: هو يوم أغرق الله فيه فرعون و نجى موسى فنحن نصومه شكرا لله تعالى فيستفاد منه فعل الشكر لله على ما من به في يوم معين من إسداء نعمة أو دفع نقمة و يعاد ذلك في نظير ذلك اليوم من كل سنة. و الشكر لله يحصل بأنواع العبادة كالسجود و الصيام و الصدقة و التلاوة وأي نعمة أعظم من النعمة ببروز هذا النبي نبي الرحمة في ذلك اليوم... فهذا ما يتعلق بأصل عمله، وأما ما يعمل فيه فينبغي أن يقتصر فيه على ما يفهم الشكر لله تعالى من نحو ما تقدم ذكره من التلاوة والإطعام والصدقة وإنشاد شيء من المدائح النبوية والزهدية المحركة للقلوب إلى فعل الخير والعمل للآخرة .


“Shaykh al-Islam, the Hafiz of his age Abu ’l-Fadl Ibn Hajar [al-`Asqalani] was asked regarding commemorating the Mawlid and he replied in writing: The [legal] basis of commemorating the Mawlid is a newly enacted thing [the practice of which] has not been transmitted by the righteous predecessors of the first three generations. However, despite that, it involves good things and their opposites. Therefore, whoever looks for the good and avoids the opposites, then it is a good newly enacted matter.

He said:[6] It occurred to me to trace it to its established basis which has been confirmed in the two ‘authentic books’[7] that when the Prophet (SAW) arrived in Medina, he found that the Jews were fasting the day of `Ashura’ and he asked them about it and they replied: This is the day in which Allah drowned Fir`awn and saved Musa [AS], therefore we fast to show our gratitude to Allah (Most High!). From this it can be understood that thanks are being given to Allah (Most High!) on a specific day for his bestowal of bounty or [his] preventing indignity or harm and is repeated every year for the consideration of that day and thanks to Allah (Most high!) can be obtained through various acts of worship such as prostration, fasting, sadaqah or recitation of the Qur’an and what bounty is greater than the bounty of the advent of this Prophet, the Prophet of Mercy, on that day?

…This is regarding the basis of Mawlid. As for the activities done in it, it should be restricted to the things that express gratitude [and thankfulness] to Allah (Most High!), such as what has been previously mentioned such as reciting the Qur’an, eating food, giving charity, reciting poetry praising the Prophet or on piety that stirs the hearts and drives them to do good and deeds for the Hereafter.”[8]

And Allah alone knows best.

The MoD team.

[1] Some Maliki scholars go so far as to say that the birth date of the Prophet is superior to Laylat al-Qadr as mentioned by al-Wansharisi in al-Mi`yar al-Mu`rab wa ’l-Jami` al-Mughrib fi Fatawa Ahl Ifriqiyyah wa ’l-Andalus wa ’l-Maghrib, vol.11, pp.280-285. The same point was echoed by the Maliki hadith master al-Kattani in al-Yumn wa ’l-Is`ad bi Mawlid Khayr al-`Ibad, p.21.
[2] See for example, Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali, Lata’if al-Ma`arif, p.185; Nur al-Din `Itr, al-Nafahat al-`Itriyyah fi Sirat Khayr al-Bariyyah, pp.5-6; al-Dadisi Muhammad al-Ghali, Laft al-Anzar ila Qurrat al-Absar fi Sirat al-Mushaffa` al-Mukhtar, pp.38-39 and al-Salihi, Subul al-Huda wa ’l-Rashad fi Sirat Khayr al-`Ibad, vol.1, p.403.
[3] One may refer to the work of `Abd Allah al-Ghumari entitled Husn al-Tafahhum wa ’l-Dark li-Mas'alat al-Tark for more on that usuli notion.
[4] See Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyyah, Iqtida’ Sirat al-Mustaqim, pp.294-295.
[5] See Jalal al-Din al-Suyuti, al-Hawi li’’l-Fatawi, vol.1, pp.251-252.
[6] That is, al-Suyuti.
[7] i.e. al-Bukhari and Muslim.
[8] See al-Suyuti, al-Hawi li ’l-Fatawi, vol.1, pp.254-255.
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Q & A

Q. If a child has no contact or limited contact with their biological father, will they get any sins for not talking to him?


One must fulfil one’s duties to parents which may take varying forms and intensities. The particulars of the situation are not known in this case hence no specific answer is possible. However, one may not disown nor completely ignore one’s father. Islam does not allow for severing the child-parent ties. It is narrated by Ahmad in his Musnad that the Prophet (SAW) said:

عن سهل عن أبــــيه عن النبي (صلى الله عليه و سلم) قال: أن لله عبادا لا يكلمهم الله يمة القيامة و لا يزكيهم و لهم عذاب أليم . قيل: من يا رسول الله؟ قال: متبر من والديه و راغب عنهما...


From Sahl from his father from the Prophet (SAW) who said: “Indeed, Allah will have slaves on the Day of Judgment and will neither speak to them nor purify them and they will have a sever punishment. [The companions] asked: Who are they, Messenger of Allah? He replied: those who disown their parents and abandon them…”[1]

It may be that through opening a seemingly closed door of a distant father and renewal of a somewhat old and awkward relationship that a new connection and lease of joy may be allowed to bloom. This may be the beginning of a way in which the child can gain Paradise (al-jannah) by pleasing his/her father and bringing happiness into his life, i.e. a blessing waiting in disguise!

The Prophet (SAW) in numerous places prefaced the entering of Paradise upon fulfilling the duties and kindness owed to parents – especially when they reach old age. In one narration the Prophet (SAW) said:

May he be cursed! May he be made low! May he be humiliated!

رغم أنف! ثم رغم أنف! ثم رغم أنف!
They asked: Who, O Messenger of Allah?
قيل: من يا رسول الله؟

He said: He whose parents, either one or both, attain old age and he does not enter Paradise.[2]
من أدرك أبويـــه عند الكبر أحدهما أو كليهما ثم لم يدخل الجنـــة .

Allah alone grants success.

The MoD team.

[1] See Ahmad, al-Musnad, hadith no.15083.
[2] Narrated by Muslim in his Sahih, hadith no.2551 from Abu Hurayrah (RA). See also Imam al-Nawawi’s commentary in Sharh Sahih Muslim, p.1832. The narration is also found in the Musnad of Ahmad, 2/340; the Sahih of Ibn Hibban, hadith no.908; al-Bayhaqi’s Shu`ab al-Iman, hadith no.7884; al-Hakim in the Mustadrak, vol.1, p.459; al-Tirmidhi in the Sunan, hadith no.3545 and al-Asbahani, Targhib wa ’l-Tarhib, hadith no.1817.
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Q & A

Q. If you go back home, you see the family atmosphere and the respect for one another. Here, with our families that atmosphere doesn’t seem to be there. Why is that? (Is it due to the capitalist system) and is this why our relationship with our parents like this?


No doubt, as Muslims, our relationship with our parents is defined by Allah (SWT) and His Messenger (SAW) and because it is a command from Him, it must be obeyed. Therefore, disobeying this command is a serious sin.

Obeying, respecting, loving, caring and living with our parents appear strange to the society around us. Unfortunately, this strangeness has crept into the mindset of many Muslims to the extent that even Muslims are annoyed, rude, disrespectful, fed up and dismissive of their parents. This is utterly against our Islamic culture and the beautiful and just rights given to parents by the Shari`ah.

Endemic to the capitalist way of life is a strong streak of individualism and personal pursuit of pleasure and gratification. Once the individual makes himself the standard of morals, ethics and rights, everything else becomes secondary. It is also unfortunate that a culture of mistreating the elderly, alienation of youth from love and warmth, social cohesion and community spirit are seeping into the cultures of Muslim countries where Islamic norms and rules were once entrenched and upheld. Muslims need to re-examine and ponder about what the best way of reviving not only the social culture but the culture in general before this residue of capitalism becomes widespread.

And with Allah alone is all success.

The Mod team.

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Q & A

Q. There is a great emphasis on respecting your mother. What about your father? Do you have to treat them equally?


Imam al-Bukhari in his Adab al-Mufrad on the section Being Dutiful to the Mother and Father (bab birr al-umm wa bab birr al-abb) mentions a few narrations:

1. Hadith:

حدثنا أبو عاصم عن بهر بن حكيم عن أبيه عن جده قلت: يا رسول الله! من أبر؟ قال: أمك. قلت: من أبر؟ قال: أمك. قلت: من أبر؟ قال: أمك. قلت: من أبر؟ قال: أباك ثم الأقرب فالأقرب.


From Bahz b. Hakim from his father and grandfather who said: I asked: Messenger of Allah, to whom should I be dutiful? He replied: Your mother. I asked: Then whom? He replied: Your mother. I asked: Then whom? He replied: Your mother. I asked: Then whom? He replied: Your mother. I asked: Then to whom should I be dutiful? He replied: Your father and then the next closest relative and then the next [after them].[1]

2. Hadith:

حدثنا سليمان بن حرب قال: حدثنا وهيب بن خالد عن بن شبرمة قال: سمعت أبا زرعة عن أبى هريرة قال: قيل يا رسول الله من أبر؟ قال أمك. قال: ثم من؟ قال: أمك. قال: ثم من؟ قال أمك. قال: ثم من؟ قال أباك.


From Abu Zur`ah on the authority of Abu Hurayra (RA) who said: The Prophet was asked: Messenger of Allah, to whom should I be dutiful? He replied: Your mother. [The Prophet] was then asked: Then whom? He replied: Your mother. He was asked: Then whom? He replied: Your mother. He was asked, Then whom? He replied: Your mother. He was yet again asked: Then whom? He replied: Your Father.[2]

3. Hadith:

حدثنا بشر بن محمد قال: أخبرنا عبد الله قال: أخبرنا يحيى بن أيوب قال: حدثنا أبو زرعة عن أبى هريرة أتى رجل نبي الله (صلى الله عليه و سلم) فقال: ما تأمرنى؟ قال: بر أمك ثم عاد فقال: بر أمك. ثم عاد فقال: بر أمك. ثم عاد الرابعه فقال: بر أمك ثم عاد الخامسة فقال: بر أباك.


From Abu Zur`ah on the authority of Abu Hurayra (RA) who reported that: A man came to the Prophet of Allah (SAW) and asked: What do you command me to do? [The Prophet] replied: ‘Be dutiful towards your mother.' Then he asked [the Prophet] the same question again and he replied: Be dutiful towards your mother. He repeated it yet again and the Prophet replied: Be dutiful towards your mother. He repeated the question a fourth time and the reply was: Be dutiful towards your mother. Then he put the question a fifth time and the Prophet said: Be dutiful towards your father.[3]

4. Hadith:

عن عبد الله بن عمرو عن النبي (صلى الله عليه و سلم) قال: رضا الرب في رضا الوالد و سخط الرب في سخط الوالد .


From `Abd Allah b. `Amr from the Prophet (SAW) who said: “The pleasure of Allah resides in the pleasure of the father and the anger of Allah resides in the anger of the father.”[4]

The respect, love, kindness and duty are the rights owed to both parents. The emphasis towards the mother is due to (amongst other reasons) her unparalleled burden in carrying the child before birth, the post birth duties of rearing it through its developmental stage and early childhood as well as the general nurturing and caring for of children at home.[5]

And Allah alone knows best.

The MoD team.

[1] See Bukhari, Adab al-Mufrad, hadith no.3, p.6. It was also narrated by `Abd al-Razzaq in his Musannaf, hadith no.20121; Ahmad in the Musnad, 5/2; Tirmidhi, hadith no.1897 and Abu Dawud, hadith no.5139 in their Sunan; al-Hakim in the Mustadrak, vol.4, p.150; al-Bayhaqi, Shu`ab al-Iman, hadith no.7839; al-Baghawi, Sharh al-Sunan, hadith no.3417 and al-Tabarani in his Mu`jam al-Kabir, hadith no.957 (vol.19) and Mu`jam al-Saghir, hadith no.617.
[2] See Bukhari, Adab al-Mufrad, hadith no.4, p.7 as well as in his Sahih, hadith no.5971; Ahmad in his Musnad, 2/327; Ibn Majah, Sunan, hadith no.2706; al-Bayhaqi, al-Sunan, vol.2, p.8 and his Shu`ab al-Iman, hadith no.7838; Ibn Abi Shaybah in the Musannaf, hadith no. 25403; the Sahih of Ibn Hibban, hadith no.433 and al-Baghawi, Sharh al-Sunnah, hadith no. 3416.
[3] See Bukhari, Adab al-Mufrad, hadith no.5, p.8. See also al-Asbahani, al-Taghrib wa ’l-Tarhib, hadith no.422.
[4] Narrated by al-Tirmidhi in his Sunan, hadith no.1899; Bukhari in the Adab al-Mufrad, hadith no.2, p.6; Ibn Hibban in his Sahih, hadith no.429; al-Bayhaqi, Shu`ab al-Iman, hadith no.7830; al-Baghawi, Sharh al-Sunnah, hadith no.3424; Ibn Wahb in al-Jami`, hadith no.92; al-Asbahani, al-Targhib wa ’l-Tarhib, hadith: 447; Ibn `Asakir in Tarikh Dimashq, vol.5, p.173 and Abu Nu`aym in Hilyat al-Awliya’, vol.8, p.215.
[5] See al-Nawawi, Sharh Sahih Muslim, hadith no.2548, p.1829.
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Q & A

Q. The wife wants to move out but the husband doesn’t want to due to his love of his mother. This causes problems and distress to his relationship. However, he loves his mother very much and doesn’t wish to leave her.


It is imperative that one maintains extreme love and devotion to parents even in the face of conflicts and difficulties of split attention and duties. The position of the mother is paramount in Islam and the Prophet (SAW) in innumerable places emphasised her station and position in the family. The Prophet (SAW) is reported to have said in two narrations (ahadith):

1. Hadith:

حدثنا أبو عاصم عن بهر بن حكيم عن أبيه عن جده قلت يا رسول الله من أبر قال أمك قلت من أبر قال أمك قلت من أبر قال أمك قلت من أبر قال أباك ثم الأقرب فالأقرب.


Abu `Asim related us from Bahz b Hakim's father from his grandfather who said that: I asked: Messenger of Allah, to whom should I be dutiful? [the Prophet replied: Your mother. I asked: Then whom? He replied: Your mother. I asked: Then whom? He replied: Your mother. I asked: Then whom? He replied: Your mother. I asked: Then to whom should I be dutiful? He replied: Your father and then the next closest relative and then the next.[1]

2. Hadith:

حدثنا سعيد بن أبى مريم قال أخبرنا محمد بن جعفر بن أبى كثير قال أخبرني زيد بن اسلم عن عطاء بن يسار عن بن عباس أنه أتاه رجل فقال أنى خطبت امرأة فأبت أن تنكحني وخطبها غيرى فأحبت أن تنكحه فغرت عليها فقتلتها فهل لي من توبة قال أمك حية قال لا قال تب إلى الله عز و جل وتقرب إليه ما استطعت.

فذهبت فسألت بن عباس لم سألته عن حياة أمه فقال أنى لا أعلم عملا أقرب إلى الله عز و جل من بر الوالدة.


Sa`id b. Abi Maryam related to us and said: Muhamamd b. Ja`far b. Abi Kathir informed us saying: Zayd b. Aslam reported to me from `Ata' b. Yasar from Ibn `Abbas that he said a man came to him and said: I asked a woman to marry me and she refused to marry me. Another man asked her and she agreed to marry him. I became jealous and killed her. Is there any way for me to repent? He asked: Is your mother alive? [The man] replied: No. He said: repent to Allah (Most High!) and try to draw near to Him as much as you can.

`Ata’ went and asked Ibn `Abbas [RA]: Why did you ask him whether his mother was alive? He replied: I do not know of any action better for bringing a person near to Allah than dutifulness to his mother.[2]

Often in the subculture of the Indian sub-continent, it is considered unacceptable for the husband and wife to move to a separate place if there are extreme difficulties and inconveniences such as no intimacy between spouses; lack of privacy for the wife or lack of room for the children.

With regard to the situation in the question, no specific answer is possible simply because the details are absent. The Shari`ah ruling will change and be influenced by particulars; e.g.

- Is the mother extremely old and infirm?
- Are there any other unmarried male siblings in a position to look after the mother?
- Is the place large enough for the wife to be provided with a separate room?
- Are the grounds for the wife to demand a separate dwelling based merely on dislike of the mother? Etc. etc.

In addition to perhaps a whole host of other particulars that will have to be taken into account before reliable and accurate rulings can be given.

The Shari`ah has given rights to both the husband and the wife and sometimes these rights may not go down well with entrenched local/regional customs but it is our duty to attempt to educate and make our parent(s) understand in the best possible and politest manner the Shari`ah positions and entitlements spouses have without trampling on the nighty rights the Shari`ah has given them.

According to the school of Imam Abu Hanifah (RA), a woman retains the right to demand a separate dwelling (suknah) and this is a duty of the husband to provide and fulfil. If it is not possible to provide a separate dwelling, then a room must be provided for the wife so that privacy is established for her; her possessions are safe and so that she can relax and enjoy in comfort.[3]

And Allah knows best.

The MoD team.

[1] See al-Bukhari, Adab al-Mufrad, hadith no.3, p.6.
[2] Narrated by Bukhari in his Adab al-Mufrad, hadith no.4, p.17 and by al-Bayhaqi in Shu`ab al-Iman, hadith no.7913.
[3] See for example, al-Haskafi’s statements in Durr al-Mukhtar as explained by Ibn `Abidin in his Radd al-Muhtar, vol.3, pp.559-560 and al-Kasani’s al-Bada’i` al-Sana’i`, vol.4, p.23.